Arachnophobia

I went back to Ceaser's Creek Metro Park, nearly a full year since I ran there last.  My last experience started out as all new trails do - euphoric.  On my return leg of a 'long' 10 mile training run, I took a corner and rolled my ankle.  Since then I avoided this place, fully acknowledging the likelihood of it happening again was a hair diameter more than none.

I grew a few and went back, armed with my ankle brace.  I mapped out a nice 12 mile loop, and planned an additonal 2 to 3 near the finish on road. I wasn't nervous. No anxiety about what transpired here.  I knew exactly where it went down.  

This was primarily due to a major distraction.  

The genetic spawns of Shelob had moved into the park and covered the trail. Spiders have millions of babies...I confirmed this to be true on this run. Starting very early in the run - bamb - my face instantly became web encrusted with barely a quarter second advance notice. Enough time to close my eyes and mouth.  I performed my standard post infestation dance to rid myself of any potential inhabitants, swore, and moved on. Within a few steps it happened again. 

Here is the thing. With 8 legs, a bazillion eyes, ass shooting web, and venomous bite, spiders are the most effecient human killing machines on this earth. Besides that, they are ugly.  If found, appropriate measures must be taken, without concern for welfare of those surrounding you. Blow it up. Burn it up.  Vaporize to nonexistance.

My heart monitor was yelling at me to calm down. "beep beep"..."beep beep". 

No shit. I know my heart rate is high. I am being attacked.  I am near hyperventilation.  

After 5 miles of this non stop assault, I settled on the fact my end was near.  It was on a matter of time before one bit me on the neck, fatally wounding me deep into the forest. Never to be found, except by spiders lining up for the evening buffet. I settled on the fact seat was eminent, so just ignore it and enjoy the last run of my life. 

Half way into the run, I found shelter in a park bathroom.  While hiding out, I was greeted.  On the wall, inches from my elbow was a Daddy Long Legs. I looked at it, flipped it off, and said I am not afraid of its kind anymore. 

I am a horrible liar. I ran out of the bathroom screaming like wounded cat....bad reference, but I am not sexest. I didn't scream like a girl.